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Just roll down your window.

That night is the . The Legend Officially, the festival does not exist. The school’s calendar lists a “Faculty Retreat” every second Saturday of May. Buses depart at 7:00 AM, carrying confused substitute teachers. By noon, the campus appears deserted.

But those in the know —a self-selecting group of upperclassmen chosen by the outgoing senior class—know the truth. The retreat is a decoy.

The school administration, for its part, maintains a willful blindness. Leaked emails suggest that the “Faculty Retreat” is actually held in the school’s own basement, where teachers drink cheap wine and listen to the thumping bass above them. They simply choose not to look. This year, a rumor has surfaced that the festival will not remain secret. An anonymous manifesto pinned to the school’s online forum reads:

СКУД ProxWay

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