-2024- — Memoir Of A Snail

Phyliss believed children should be seen and not heard—and preferably not seen either. She fed us boiled cabbage and regret. The only light was Gilbert. He was my other half. He collected beetles and named them after philosophers. He taught me that a snail’s foot is a single, rippling muscle. “We’re like that, Gracie,” he’d whisper. “One muscle. Slow. But we get there.” When we were seventeen, the government separated us. Gilbert, because he had a “mechanical mind,” was sent to a boy’s reform farm in the dry, red center of Australia. I was sent to a foster home in Canberra—a concrete box belonging to a married couple named Barry and Maureen. Barry sold used mufflers. Maureen sold Tupperware. Their love language was passive-aggressive note-leaving.

I realized something that morning, watching Sylvia the snail leave a silver trail across my thumb: grief is not a shell. It’s a foot. You ripple forward. Millimeter by millimeter. You leave a little of yourself behind, but you keep going. I’m sixty-nine now. I still live in the caravan. The snails have great-grandchildren. I clean the shoeboxes once a year, then put them back. Gilbert came to visit last Christmas. He brought Socrates the goat’s great-great-grandson. The goat ate my curtains. I didn’t mind. Memoir of a Snail -2024-

“Hello, Sylvia. Tell me something slow.” Stop-motion animation of a single snail crossing a piano keyboard. Each key it touches plays a sad, sweet note. Then a second snail joins it. Then a third. They move in a spiral. The final frame: a hand reaching down, palm open. The snails climb aboard. Fade to black. Phyliss believed children should be seen and not

I started collecting things. Not stamps or coins. Feelings . I’d find objects that smelled of loss: a single sequin from a forgotten dress, a button from a dead man’s coat, a torn photo of someone else’s birthday. I lined them in shoeboxes. I’d talk to them. “You’re safe now,” I’d whisper to a rusty key. “Someone left you, but I won’t.” He was my other half

I searched through my shoeboxes for three days. On the fourth day, I found it: a tiny lockbox I’d forgotten. Inside was a photograph I’d stolen from Phyliss’s house years ago. It was a picture of my mother, pregnant with us. She was smiling. She had a snail on her shoulder. On the back, in her handwriting: “Two hearts. One muscle. Slow and steady.”