The Emo One We don’t talk about the finger-guns. We don’t talk about the jazz club strut. But we must talk about Topher Grace as Venom. This movie is a beautiful train wreck. It gave us the single greatest meme template of the 2000s. Is it bad? Yes. Is it entertaining? Like watching a live-stream of a dumpster fire. Emo Peter’s hair deserved its own spin-off.

It has been twenty years since Tobey Maguire first caught that tray of cafeteria food, and in that time, Hollywood has done what Hollywood does best: milked the radioactive spider for every last drop of web-fluid. We are now somehow living in a timeline where there are ten mainline Spider-Man movies. Not ten good ones. Ten of them.

The Baby One Tom Holland arrives. He’s 15. He has a Stark suit. He has an AI. He has an Aunt May who is suddenly hot. The villain, Vulture (Michael Keaton), is a dad with a salvage business. The stakes are low, but the anxiety is high. It’s Ferris Bueller’s Day Off with web-shooters.

Here’s to Spider-Man 11 —may the web never break.